Foxymama’s Weblog

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What a week January 21, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — foxymama @ 9:44 pm

As I sit here listening to John Lennon and my kids scream at the same time I’m thinking about the week I had.  Nothing major but exhausting none the less.  I have to say I am kind of proud of myself.  I spent 5 nights alone with just the kids.  I didn’t have a panic attack or hear noises that weren’t really there.  I stayed calm and cool.  Staying alone is a fear that I have so doing it for 5 nights was a big step for me.  I spent the majority of my nights just thinking about life in general or snuggling up with my little ones.  It was wonderful to spend the time with my kids and no one else interrupting.

I also started school this week.  I only started two out of the four classes.  Comparative Religions and Lifespan development.  Comparative Religions seems like it’s going to be a really cool class.  We are required to go to 4 different religious services or centers and one has to be the Holocaust Memorial Center.  We can go  to 5 extra ones for extra credits.  I really think I am going to take this opportunity to explore my spirituality and grow.  I think I am going to start another blog to document my adventures to these different places.  Hopefully at the end of this 16 week course I will either identify with one religion or continue to believe in what I currently believe in.  We also can read Night by Elie Wiesel for extra credit.  I just ordered the book from Target but it sounds like it is a sad book.

My Lifespan development class is nothing exciting.  The topic interest me and I have been going back and fourth on majoring in psychology so this class, along with my other psychology class I will be taking should give me a better idea.  But the teacher is pretty dry and I think will make us do group work every class.  One of the girls I worked with the first class drove me insane.  I seriously wanted to bang my head against the desk.  She wanted to debate with me on a topic that she knew very little about and in the end sounded very ignorant.  First of all I respect people in their stances on certain hot topics but I will challenge them.  I love a debate.  I don’t do it to make other people feel  uncomfortable about their stance but instead to understand a little bit what the other side feels.  So she opened the door to this hot topic and I said well why do you feel this why?  She could not come up with a clear answer.  Just cause doesn’t sit well for me.  I threw some facts at her to see what she would say about that.  She really didn’t have much to say except to challenge me on my facts (and I quickly corrected her) until she realized I was right.  Anyways my whole point of why I got so pissy was like I said I respect people who are firm on their stances and have all their facts and have made an educated decision.  I respect people who make these decisions to feel this ways because that is what the people around them feel  and it just feels right only if they have open ears and eyes to listen to the other side.  Because people like that tend to only hear one side and if they hear the other side and still are firm in their beliefs then I respect them.  I do not like people who when questioned why they feel the way they feel are like “Duh I dunno just cause” and go on to attack you.  It just makes me mad.  Maybe that’s harsh but I guess I am.

 

Coward January 16, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — foxymama @ 5:41 pm

Moving on is what I am doing right now.  Moving on and becoming the person I want to be.  I am pretty much who I want to be just need to work on a few areas.  Certain things have happened over the last few days that have made me reflect on how little I mean to some people.  Seriously little things like a phone call or a text really mean the world to some people.  Being pretty much ignored makes a person feel like crap.  That is how I am feeling like right now, crap.  I realize people have lives but I supposedly meant the world to this person and to receive nothing in return is emotionally draining.  Coward is what I will call this person.  A coward for not dealing with the decision made and just ignoring it.  I cannot begin to understand how you could  hurt someone that you said you loved so bad.  I wouldn’t be so hurt if I could get an answer on if he wants this relationship to end.  I just want to move on but I want closure.  I am sick of the I’ll call you tomorrow or the next day or the next.  I asked a simple text question, do you want this relationship to end?  No response.  So I pretty much know the answer but damn it I just want to hear it from him and not try and figure it out in my own head.  I’ve been busy is what he said.  Fine understandable but really all the question requires is a yes or no response.  I’m sick of being emotionally drained and living in this fog.  I want to know what the heck is up.  So yes to his last email where he called himself a coward I will agree 100%.  He is a coward.

 

Random January 13, 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized — foxymama @ 3:18 pm
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Trying to get back to blogging.  I started another blog but I just don’t like it.  So maybe I will stick with this one.  It’s been almost a year since I started this one.  It’s funny how much time I have for message boards but I don’t have time for a blog.  Hopefully I can make the time.  I think it will be really good for me to get some of my life down.  I suck at keeping a real journal.

I’m having a craptastic week this week.  After my life was flipped upside for a moment I had to pick myself up and figure things out on my own for a change.  I realized I rely to much on other peoples opinions to help me make decisions.  So I made an adult decisions about my life and my childrens life all on my own.  YAY!  Of course the moment I mentioned it to someone there was a lot of negativity but I can’t let that get to me.  I have to be comfortable in my ability to make a good decision and not let the naysayers get me down.  Hopefully this is a step in the right direction.  Did I mention I suck at making decisions?  Like I can’t even decide what shoes to buy, what to eat for dinner, or what color to paint my nails without asking someone else.  I can’t do that anymore.  I want to be independent and be comfortable and confident in myself.

My kids are doing great.  Duke will be in kindergarten in less than 9 months and LA will be starting preschool.  They are growing up way too fast.  They are great kids though.  Full of life and happy most of the time.  Just like every other kid they are like sponges and soak up all this information.  If you talk to Duke about trains he can tell you specific trains in the US and where they typically travel too.  His obsession with trains has gone beyond Thomas and into real trains.  He has renamed my van the 844.  Here is a picture of the Union Pacific 844

His new favorite shoe is Extreme trains on the history channel.  I think before this obsession dies down we are going to take him on the Amtrak to Chicago.  He would love that.  And I have to admit I am very excited about it too.

Now LA on the other  hand has many obsessions.  She loves dance class.  If you ask her to do any of her ballet moves she will do them for you.  Dance class is the highlight of her week.  She’s also into other girly things such as babies, princesses, and stuff animals.  But she is a little bit of a tomboy.  How can she not be with a big brother?

My parenting skills are lacking a little bit lately so I am ordering some parenting books the read.  I am hoping that my kids and I can come to some sort of peace.

Now I must go start my day.  I am hoping to get my room cleaned and vacuumed and the study cleaned and vacuumed.  I have to go to the dentist this afternoon to fix my tooth so hopefully I can fit it all in.

-M